April 2010
1 post
Fragile limbs.
You cannot love me, I’m not that type of girl. I have messy hair & cobwebbed tights, fragile skin, lips of lust. I need it gentle, but get it rough. I can’t stand this loneliness, so i’ll settle for less. I don’t want them, I’ll let them run. No care for love, that’s just another heartache on my back.
March 2010
1 post
You and me reappearing. Finding me lifeless on the floor, Pick me up, Dust me off. I am yours for the picking, Ripe and ready. So I’ll wait and my heart will skip a beat, I’m brave. I want this, Vulnerable, sad but yours.
February 2010
6 posts
10:50am
The girl I was before, becoming the girl I am now. They’re no different to each other. Maybe different shades of color, Rosy cheeks now sullen skin. I’ve become a junkie for your love, and just like any junkie I need my fix. Morning slumber you’re still on my mind, Night does more damage. Just like Neil young, I see the needle and the damage done.
17/2
Life or death… And I don’t want either. I’m stuck in limbo where the only thing, that keeps me alive are my cigarettes & old records. Vodka eases my pain. Razors are the same game. The pills precribed has left me forgetting who I am. I’m left sullen and empty, No more dreams to fill this void. My appetite dispiated and skin so pale. I am nowhere, I am nothing. Death has...
11:28pm
Living on a diet of cigarettes and loneliness. I roam around the hallways, limp and lifeless. I forgot your name, I forgot my face. All I see is a stranger in my reflection. And I’ve lost my appetite, more so…I’ve lost myself. I could cough out a lung, these smokes and mirrors choke me. I need someone to hold, I fear that I could fall off the edge. But everyone fades, there is...
1:05am
Sleepless nights, your dirty sheets & sweet caress was all I needed. But empty promises turn into empty hearts, and hands that were soft became rough, tender whispers became brutal moans. I feed off those boys affection, only to be abused at my weakest. My bruised, scarred skin of mine, yours for the taking. Because I don’t want to try anymore, All I see is bleakness. Cut, slip, swollen...
11:45pm
Pale skin marked with scar tissue. I make these marks for you, my sacrifice. We are bound by these blood ties, because we have nothing left to give. Just lies, tears and false hope, You fooled me once and you fooled me twice. But I’ve been a bad girl, I lie down for you, willing and vulnerable. The blood is on your hands.
Past tense.
I had started to eye sharp objects that surrounded me. Knives that I used for my dinner, Scissors I used for school work and the smashed bottles on the side of the desolate streets I walked. Finally I just cracked like a drug addict who hadn’t had their fix, The difference was I wasn’t addicted in the first place.
January 2010
11 posts
The Artist.
You are the artist. The sculptor, who’s hands knead this broken body of mine. Languid and lonesome, Do what you wish to me. I need to be created into something beautiful, Collect my bones and features for the making. But don’t leave me like this. If I can’t be re-made, I don’t want to be anything at all.
broken houses.
I am the church, You are the steeple. Let’s crash down with all the broken people. Built with nothing but sticks and stones, We are fragile. So they try to rebuild us, But we can only keep on breaking. You and me are the lonely ones.
9:37am | 17/01
All of a sudden I felt a feeling unfamiliar to me, Something that could burst at any moment. But I couldn’t pin it exactly, It felt like desire but more dangerous Or lust but empty of regret. I was the siren luring the unloved with my song, But they weren’t the ones that were unloved, I was. These boys were just acting on animal instincts, And I was their prey. Easy for the killing. I...
7:13pm
I’m forever waiting for someone to fill this hole, I’ll take whatever I can get. My loneliness has made me selfish and I take what I need disregarding the consequences. Everyone around me can sense it, My face pleads out “Want me, need me, choose me” It knows no boundaries. I want love, but love is a fairytale. It’s pain, betrayal and yes, It’s a battlefield....
4:23am
Another cup of coffee, Another cigarette. I’m still lonesome, walking these desolated streets at night. I forgot my home, my place in the world, And I can only think of the past. Those blackened nights where I trembled every time we touched, I wanted that feeling to stay with me forever. But just like sadness, peace never lasts long, It disappears once the wind changes direction.
8:33am
Though my body is battered and broken, and my lungs are decaying. My loneliness gives me peace, The ash tray in my bedroom contain burnt out cigarettes stacked like dominoes, And my record player spins madly on with songs I cannot erase from my mind. But this loneliness isn’t part of the solution, It’s part of the problem. Everyone is going forward, at least going somewhere. Me, I stay...
9:39pm
Wasted mornings, forgotten afternoons. You’re image as bright as the constellations, that once shone down on us that night. I forgot how much I still long to feel those soft battered hands, When my eyes shut they close for you. My limbs they ache and my throat is full of unswallowed maladies. Why won’t you unchain me?
8:42pm
This wasn’t like any other depressive state, It was a mourning period. Mourning for someone who had been here at one point but now had been replaced by someone unrecognizable. It was as if they had never existed, That person and all the memories that went with them were a figure of my imagination, a foggy mirage.
4:05am
Smoking my last cigarette, and all I can think of is you. Every second stranger that passes me reminds me of you in one way or another. Your soft curls, fickle smile, trembling hands and that stare, seeing through my soul. And you left me, like every other that promised they’d stay. Tearing this pretty heart in two. Stay out of my dreams, away from my heart. You don’t belong here...
1 tag
19/11/09
I’m content, At the moment. You know when everything is perfect as if nothing could break that happiness? That’s how I feel now. Though I suppose it’s only natural, Things have to get to the worst till they can get to the best. I don’t expect anything more or anything less.
7:34
I think I feel to much, Is that possible? To feel to much that you feel like your heart might shatter into a thousand pieces. When I was younger, Maybe around Grade 4. My class happened to be watching an animated television show, I can’t exactly remember what happened in the episode but I was crying by the end. One girl saw the tears rolling down my cheeks and began to make fun of me for how...
December 2009
10 posts
5:37am
I stood on the path and cried for the everything I had lost. The fact that I couldn’t get them back pained me the most. And when mascara is running down your face, and you are utterly alone. You then realize this has become you’re life. Born into this world alone & dying one second at a time, alone. What is the fucking point to all this suffering? Someone please tell me, because I...
11:05pm
I walked past the park our hands & lips touched. The flowers are still in bloom but I only see them wither. I lit another cigarette, It tasted like nostalgia. And my dreams have become more like nightmares. Always with you, Staring back at me black-eyed and gone. You still remind me of everything I’ve lost, and have yet to lose.
12:05pm
My head throbs, it only thinks of you. My heart aches, it only hurts for you. My body slumbers, it dreams of you. Sink your body into mine. Let these scars heal on their own. Maybe these nightmares will end, once you come back. Though you only exist in my subconscious…
10:12pm
My bedroom is dimmed, It has become my only solace. If there is a god, he isn’t worth praying to. He has stolen my youth and my happiness. I have no morals, Nothing left but doubt and fear. I’m fading as each minute goes by, This isn’t a dream, But I’ll be sleeping soon. Coma girl slumbers forever.
1:42am
Sexual advances, Though still even don’t satisfy this cracked heart. I miss you, Your name is still tattooed on this skin so pale. If I could, I would show you this naked skin, vulnerable & shaking. But fairytales don’t come true, And I’m still waiting for you still. You won’t come back, My loneliness speaks louder than my words ever can.
1:05am
I lied to my therapist today, Even she doesn’t know me well enough to see through my blatant fabrications. And She thinks i’m getting better, Truth is it’s all downhill from here. I’m on the edge, One slip, I’ll be good… I’ll be gone.
1:30am
I’m choking up again, I know this feeling like I know the sound of the wind. it’s when the worst is yet to come, Self destruction & hate are flowing through my veins, my blood is becoming more and more tainted. My words are only black, And those pretty tiny pills are getting prettier each day.
2:40pm
Nostalgic dreams and forgotten memories. I miss them like my summer of love. Screening my smokes and drowning my pain, I reach for you The brute of a man I once knew, He is now gone.
6:27pm
When you give your heart to someone, you expect a piece of their heart in return. You took mine and I’ve yet to get it back. Stolen in the dead of the night, where my body lay trembling. though yours stayed still… Used and abused, I still want what I can’t have.
3:05pm
Star no star is playing inside my head… and all I can think of is you. I want you, but can’t have you. I hate you, but need you. What hurts the most is that you don’t even want to talk to me anymore. Discarded, I feel broken.